"Are We Not Comrades?" Every band has that one overzealous superfan....
Ours (Painted Cave) happens to run Russia.
It started with an email from “Vlad_Rocks94” asking if he could “sit in on bass” during our AZ tour. John ignored it until the rider came back demanding:
• An indoor bear enclosure
• 200 gallons of borscht
• A fog machine that emits Kremlin-shaped mist
• And four DEVO energy dome hats, “for comrade-ish inspiration”
Yes, Vladimir Putin also loves DEVO. Apparently, he thinks all great bands should “embrace the red cone hat of compliance.” Red....get it?
Uninvited, he showed up to soundcheck in a full 80s jumpsuit, wearing his red energy dome and carrying a fretless bass “liberated” from a Long Island new wave festival in 1983 (Stu 'sort of remembers' that one...). He insisted on playing our songs at half-speed because “DEVO once did it with ‘Satisfaction.’”
Things got stranger from there. Turns out, it really was Vladimir Putin. THE Vladimir Putin.
During the show, he tried to replace our fog machine with “state-approved atmosphere.” Our drummer almost quit when Putin suggested swapping the drum kit for a podium so he could “address the crowd between Comrade Bill’s guitar solos.”
The night ended when he declared himself our “Supreme Touring Manager” and attempted to annex our merch table. We’ve never seen someone negotiate for all the T-shirts in such a polite-yet-threatening tone. Our micro-management company, Kablooie, had a fit.
Next tour, we’re adding a new rule to our contract:
No heads of state backstage without Stoli and a big wad of US currency.
